THE BEST OF MARCH

HOMER - THE ILIAD

"This was a terrible time with so much blood shed, and so much pain for both sides. Achilles when he died I was sad. But in the end the side I was on won. Troy was destroyed just the way me and Athena planed. They did and excellent job. Homer captured this story as if he was actually there but he was not and I saw it all for myself and planed it all. Like a well played game of chest."


F. SCOTT FITZGERALD - THE GREAT GATSBY

"Gatsby was obviously drunk, or smoking marijuana when he was writing this book, and must have thougth that this book was pretty clever. It isn't."


OSCAR WILDE - THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY

"When I just read some chapters of this book, I didn't realized anything wrong with it. However, I talked it over with others and realized that the book was full of allusions to the 'worst side of life,' something that might remind you of Hyde in 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.'

Oscar Wilde, the author, was gay, so there are even allusions to that. This book was considered 'immoral,' and the people during that time who read this book were extremely surprised. This book was the evidence given in Wilde's trial for his homosexual liaisons.

And as the story goes, it gets worse and worse. The author states 'A white-smocked carter offered him some cherries. He thanked him, and wondered why he refused to accept any money for them,...' Do you understand what this means? This means that the cherries have been picked in the midnight. Would you pick cherries in midnight? No, unless you are a robber.

Also, on the same page(pg.100), 'A long line of boys carrying crates of striped tulips, and of yellow and red roses, defiled in front of him,...' If you don't know the meaning of 'defiled,' you might want to look it up in the dictionary."


ERNEST HEMINGWAY - FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

"If you want to read an award-winning author's works, do not read this edition. It is censored to remove the profanity by usning the words 'unprintable' repeatedly. Very insulting to any reader. If young people can't handle such vocabulary, they should stick with 'The Adventures of Barney.'"


SIGMUND FREUD - CIVILIZATIONS AND ITS DISCONTENTS

"Being a Judaic, Freud was an outsider to Occidental civilization and he certainly was discontent (or more like, despised it) with it ... If you're European or of European descent, read C.G. Jung's masterpiece Modern Man in Search of a Soul instead of this slim book."


PLATO - THE SYMPOSIUM

"I hate plato. Other than his formula for writing a tragedy (which you can use over and over again to make money, if you're smart), he has nothing to offer."


VIRGIL - AENEID

"It's as if George W. Bush, after being adjudicated the U.S. Presidency in 2000 (instead of winning the election), had commissioned popular author of the day J.K. Rowlins to write that America had been founded by wizards, and one of those wizards was Bush's great-great-great-great-great grandfather. I know what my reaction to that would be."


VIRGINIA WOOLF - MRS DALLOWAY

"Socialising Clarissa Dalloway as she prepares to give a party, her fist lover Peter Walsh who unexpectedly shows up"


HERODOTUS - THE HISTORY

"Why do we insist that just because something is written 6,000 years ago that makes it good? Maybe, just maybe, it's 6,000 years old for a good reason. I have to admit, I still haven't finished it."


FRANZ KAFKA - THE METAMORPHOSIS

"I hate you and your stupid genre, Kafka."