BYRON - DON JUAN
"Byron really is gay, i hate his ass, he dont even know im his dad..."
SHAKESPEARE - 1 HENRY IV
"i liked it that hal killed hotspur because in the movie hotspur was ugly and disgusting. everytime i looked at him i felt like i wanted to puke."
AUSTEN - PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
"Due to unfortunate job-related stuff, I'm currently teaching a Jane Austen novel. Doesn't matter which. I can't keep them straight."
"I would rape Jane Austen if she were alive.And yes I am a woman."
NIETZSCHE - THE ANTICHRIST
"Um, WOW!
The anti-christ is really anti-Christianity."
CONRAD - HEART OF DARKNESS
"TOO MUCH BIG VOCAB WORDS."
"I call this one 'Fart of Darkness.'"
HOMER - THE ODYSSEY
"I hope my students never read this."
CERVANTES - DON QUIXOTE
"Cervantes may have been a genius, but the rest of us aren't. For his next book I think he should try to write on everyone else's level."
EMILY BRONTE - WUTHERING HEIGHTS
"This book takes a really long time to get into, and it isn't that good. Books like these make me wonder... If I discovered a long lost manuscript of Emily Bronte or some other author of 'classics', and I submitted it to a publishing company anonymously, I highly doubt that it would be published. The point is, Classics are not good books. Books are vehicles for ideas, and so a good book is a book that can effectively use language to express ideas and create beauty. Long-winded descriptions and two-dimensional characters do not express ideas well, and are more exhausting than beautiful. I can see the merit of studying classics because they part of the history of literature, but it bothers me when people say classics are good books. Because, when it comes down to it, books like Wuthering Heights are not in any way good."
JUNG - THE ARCHETYPES AND THE COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS
"Jung was on that hippie shit, of course you'd like him ... I'll leave it on that note, Freud was a fucking winner. ALl those after him were less willing to acknowledge truth. Thats it. I'm done, you can all go dry hump your fascinations with that hippie, I'm going to bump some Smashing Pumpkins and read for the night."
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