THE BEST OF JULY

FAULKNER - ABSALOM, ABSALOM!

"Sweet Lord Jesus. This was the toughest book I have ever read. I tried to be openminded, really I did. But I just don't get how Faulkner ever became such an acclaimed writer. The English teacher in me can't get my mind off all the spelling mistakes and punctuation errors and the five mile sentences. Why purposely write a book that is going to confuse your readers?"


TOLSTOY - ANNA KARENINA

"Almost every night, my husband comes to bed and finds me passed out with a book open and my glasses still on my face. He gently removes the glasses, pulls the book away and sets them both on the nightstand. Last night, he picks up Anna Karenina and the following conversation ensues:
Him - 'That's a big book! Have you really read 500 pages?'
I reply in a sleepy voice, 'yeah. it sucks.'
Him - 'It looks boring as fuck.'
Me - sleepy giggle
He says, 'It looks like some romance/wuthering heights bullshit. You, know, 'stuffy.' In his best uppity Victorian voice, says, 'Anna gets banged in the garden by some honeysuckle.'
Me - cracking up
Him - 'Who wrote that?'
Me - 'Tolstoy'
Together, at the same time, we say, 'War and Peace'
Him - 'Dude is obviously one long-winded motherfucker!'
Me - laughing hysterically. (he has made a valid point!)"

"A mistake. The cover of the book I read was of a girl's bare knees holding flowers. Now I know one should not judge a book by its cover, but I assumed Anna Karenina was going to be a story of a girl growing to adulthood ... But who am I to tell Tolstoy he blew it on this one?"


SHAKESPEARE - TROILUS AND CRESSIDA

"Yes, I can think of many reasons why Cressida was not the total whore she might look like, but I'll somehow feel like a dupe who tries to justify Bill while he clearly messed up."


HURSTON - THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD

"It is boring because it is about a topic that no one cares for."

"If you're a fan of African-American literature, or literature about how much women suffered back in the day, then this probably holds some interest. If you're not, consider this literary ebola. I'm *really* not the target audience on this one, as I'm a white male, and one who primarily reads fantasy and horror at that, so I found the plot to be *beyond* repetitive."

"It was terrible. The biggest reason, the dialog. The terrible terrible dialog. Hurston was probably never educated as to the good and bad of dialog"

"Am I biased? Yes, completely, I think that the work of women does not compare favorably to what men have achieved in letters ... But there is the converse....I mean, how many great wives, how many good stay-at-home moms have been men?"

"This book makes one root fot the Klan"